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Serving also meant you had to remember what everyone wanted. Now, the menu was fixed, so it wasn't like you needed to remember that Jane wanted the beef, while Alison preferred the chicken. It's not even like we had the option of not getting a particular item - we had to have a bit of everything. No, the remembering was all based on quantity. Quantity was the only choice we had.

Quantity was all important: 'Speck', 'Medium' or 'Massive'

If the menu was, say: leek soup, followed by mince, peas and tatties, followed by tinned fruit with custard, then you would need to remember that Jane wanted a speck of soup, speck of peas, medium mince, medium tatties, massive fruit and speck of custard. Alison, however, wanted a massive soup, massive mince, speck peas, speck tatties, medium fruit, massive custard.

Goodness help you if you got it wrong, and gave your peers too much or too little. Too much, and the teachers got cross with you for leaving food. Too little, and the stomachs would growl mid-afternoon. Oh, the pressure.

The teachers were on some sort of roster for dining room duty. Each teacher had a different approach to controlling the unruly dining masses. There were a few teachers we learned to be extra wary of during lunch.

The Headmistress, Miss McNeelie, would occasionally pull out a packet of pins from her pocket and start dropping them one at a time on the floor. If she couldn't hear them drop by the time she reached the last pin, all hell would break loose. Her face would turn a deep shade of purple as she screeched her lungs out. Detentions would be handed out left, right and center. If you were too young for detention, then she'd dole out Black Marks against your House.

Miss Howell was by far the worst. She was a secondary school History teacher and I can only assume that she hated to see food wasted. Either that or she truly enjoyed causing discomfort to children. Possibly a bit of both. If she thought you weren't eating your lunch, but were merely shuffling the food round your plate, as I often did, she would stand over you and ensure you ate every last disgusting bite. Worse still was if she caught your table during clean-up, with a big pile of slops on the top plate. She would pick on one or two girls at the table and force them to eat the leftovers.

It was terrifying. The mere presence of Miss Howell in the dining room was enough to make me quiver. She never actually picked on me, but I witnessed her wrath at close range, and that was enough. I've often wondered what would have happened if she had singled me out to eat the slops. I think I would cried, puked or fainted. Probably all three.

I did my utmost to squirm out of school dinners. I had a retainer (brace) for a while, and with a little help from Mum, concocted a scheme that enabled me to escape school dinners for a week at a time. Every time I went to the orthodontist, my retainer would be adjusted, and Mum would write a note excusing me from lunch on the basis that I could only eat soft foods. I would bring dairylea sandwiches and a carton of juice, and relish in the silent warmth of the classroom. Sadly, the respite was only temporary.

I tried skipping lunch a few times, crouching in a corner of the playground, playing marbles and "forgetting" to go. That stopped after I was caught by Miss McClean, the Music teacher, who awarded two Black Marks to my House and personally escorted me to my assigned table. The shame.

Finally, one fine day in August, a week or so before the new school year was due to begin, a message from Heaven was delivered to our house. School dinners were to be suspended. The health inspectors had shut the kitchens down. Packed lunches were permitted. Lunch was to be eaten in the classroom, with your classmates. No more assigned seating and patrolled dining rooms. My prayers had truly been answered.

I sang, I danced, I rejoiced. I ate soggy sandwiches and luke warm juice and I was happy, for my world was safe from the horror of school dinners.